As we quickly approach Mia's first birthday, I've been doing quite a bit of thinking. It's amazing how fast the last five months of our lives have flown by. Although I can't remember what life was like before her, it doesn't even seem possible that the little 12 pound baby I brought home is now a 20 pound, almost-walking, babbling, dramatic 1 year old. (And I do mean dramatic.) I know that when you're in the midst of it, it feels like a certain stage will never end, but when you stop and really think about it, the change is so rapid you wonder how you even had time to relish those moments. In our case, I've also been thinking about all that we missed in the first six months and my mommy-heart just breaks into pieces. Adoption is truly a miracle and a wonder that we can never completely understand, not unlike God himself, but it is also a painful journey built on so much loss. Loss not just for us, but for Mia and her birth mother as well. Early on in the adoption process, I used to wonder how something so tragic could ever be beautiful. Then one day as I was driving and praying, God asked me, "Sarah, do you believe that I can do anything?"
"Yes, of course."
"Then don't you believe that I can make your family whole?"
That's when it hit me. God can take anything, any situation, no matter how sad and ugly, and make it whole.
So in the past week I've been trying to really stop and consider the miracle God has placed into our care. This little girl loves us so much and has given us so much joy it's unfathomable. And we love her completely to pieces. We laugh together, learn together, love together. He is making us whole. It certainly didn't happen overnight, or in a week or even a month. Our adoption journey has not ended, and I'm not sure it ever will. But I'm certain that we are a family; she is my daughter and I am her mommy.
And so now we begin to feel the stirring again in our hearts as we look east towards Africa. No, I'm not announcing a new adoption journey, not yet anyway. But the question is not
if we'll go back, but
when. After all we've seen and experienced, we can't not go back. And I truly believe God has another son or daughter there for us. In meantime, we'll soak up the moments we've been given with Mia now.
7 comments:
Love this post, Sarah...can so relate! We are heading back to Africa....sure wish we could travel with you again....won't be quite the same! Miss you!
Absolutely love this post...couldn't agree more. Our little Hannah is about to turn one next Saturday! Hard to believe!
I too, feel what you wrote. Isn't it amazing how God works! I love what you wrote about God building something beautiful and whole out of loss. I have very much felt that way. Approaching Eli's 1st birthday too, and I've been reflecting a lot as well!
Wish I'd had your words when I posted this (http://fullton.blogspot.com/2010/01/breath-it-in.html) yesterday. I used SCC's words because it's about all I have time for while keeping all of our newly arrived miracles happy, healthy and in-line.
Thanks for this beautiful post. It truly is a miracle how many pieces God puts back together when an adoption happens.
Love your heart...and echo your thoughts...for both now and the future. You baby girl is beautiful!
What a wonderful testimony! Mia is a beautiful little girl and I'm so glad that you adopted her! So many children need good homes with loving parents. May God bless you for what you have done!
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Tammy
What a wonderfully heartfelt and stirring post. I love when mommy bloggers can just be themselves and share their innermost thoughts on their blogs. Thank you for sharing not only yourself and your emotions, but your little bundle of joy as well!
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